Lying & Secrets

I love the movie The Intention of Lying. It's so interesting to think about living in a world where you can't lie. I could find out if anyone has a crush on me. I would always know what people are thinking about. (The super power I’ve always wanted since BEFORE Edward Cullen, thank you!)

I could be free because I couldn't lie about being happy about being with someone. Or hell, I probably wouldn't have even gotten married b/c I couldn't lie to myself about being in love. With either of them.

But then I think.

I would also be unbelievably unhappy. Not because I am a liar. I am not. But because I like my secrets. I don't like others seeing my weaknesses or knowing everything I've done/experienced.

When someone asks how I am, I like to say, “Good,” no matter what. B/c when you say bad, or mad, or upset, sad or confused, it provokes emotions in people. Negative emotions. All I want is for you to be happy. When you feel sympathetic toward me, I feel sorrier for myself. When you feel sad, I cry. If you get mad with me, you fuel my fire. When you pity me, I get angry. See the pattern?

But when you're happy, it makes me smile and I'm happier too.

If my hell helps you, I’ll gladly talk about it. I’ll try to give you advice, but don’t be surprised if I don’t talk about my bad day. Sure I rant and rave a little. Sure I put quips out there. But that’s all. It’s not for attention, it’s to get it off my chest and move on. (Though I’ll never turn down a hug, jsyk)

Lately, my façade is cracking. My secret jar is overflowing and some “Not Good” responses are seeping out. Give me a hug and tell me a joke.

So does that make me a liar?

I’ve always prided myself in being an honest person. I feel that I truly am. I don’t see it as lying, I see it as hiding. But I guess the two are one in the same, aren’t they? I’ve always thought “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” But you did ask, and I didn’t tell. Not honestly anyway.

If I tell you a story about me, it will not be made up.

But, if: You ask. I answer. I don’t elaborate.

Huh. Chances are…

I’m a liar.

Mighta, Coulda, Has been awhile

*Steps out of my storm shelter and looks around*

WOW! Those tumble weeds are HUGE!!! Gah

*Gets to work straightening up, mowing, weed eating, edging, and throwing roadside debris, lots and lots of alcohol bottles and all trimmings into the burn barrel, lighting it up*

There! *cleans w/ Hanitizer* What? That's a word! Just ask my kids! *single nod*

*Sits down at my desk and sends out pretty, frilly pink and brown and white inviations covered in flowers and polka-dots and kitty cats with whiskers and ribbon*

YOU ARE INVITED!!! Please join me in a new blog post about my crazy ass world. WARNING: I do mean C-R-A-Z-Y. Thanks! Can't wait to see you here!!! :D

*Checks the guest list and waits* Geez you guys, don't you all come at once....

*sends out reminder cards*

Don't forget! Come one, come all (preferably all). Please? *hopeful eyes* PS No presents needed. Only presence *wink*

Hey there guys *tenative smile*

I know it's been a while... A long fuckin' time *whispers* shut up *mental point at myself*

Ok, I know it's been a long fuckin' time since I've been here. *looks around* Yeah...

Actually, it's been a while since I've been around many places- blog, chat, twitter... Some of you may have noticed, others maybe not. *rocking back and forth, picking off my nail polish*

Either way, I've been a total fail. Wanna know what I've been up to? No? I don't fuckin' care! Sit your ass down and get comfortable! *clears throat* Sorry, ok, not really, but still... There are little mats in the corner if you want, I know the grass is a little itchy.

You know how four-letter words are the end-all of bad days? Like DAMN! or SHIT! or FUCK!!! or GRRR.... That's how all of this started. It started with a four-letter word - June. Sounds innocent enough, but let me tell you my June was worse than a movie. You know those movies, when you shake your head and say, "NO WAY Can all that happen to just one person!" Well, it DID happen and it sucked! Details not needed, but that's where it started.

June rolled right into another four-letter word that proved just as difficult - July. *nods* That's right. I'm not just being dramatic, I swear! It. Was. Shitty...

After that, I moved. I began living in my own little world. Sounds like a nice place to be right? Riiiiiiight.... Unless that little world is filled with spiders the size of your palm, murder, deathly beatings, duct tape (and not in the fun playing way), screaming kids, sleepless nights, living with someone you cannot stand but have to put up with their shit everyday telling them how much you hate them only to have them continue to piss you off because they know how to push all 'those' flaming anger buttons, ignoring phone calls, texts, and messages, coughing till you vomit and piss yourself, closets/bathrooms, writing a one shot in one day, no sex, no pretty blue skies (only b/c blue happends to be my favorite color, if it were pink, they'd be pink skies, ya see?), general doom and gloom, and did I mention no sex? *dies*

But you know what? That doesn't seem to do my world justice... It seems too orderly when I put it into a list like that. Hm... Wait! *scrolls through pictures on my phone*

Here...

*makes the sun set (only if it were that easy, right sjAimee?) and starts the movie projector*

See these pictures?

That's more like it.
Chaotic.
Colorful chaos.

Maybe that should be its name. *ponders*

It's settled, my world is now called Colorful Chaos.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Pinky?" "Um, I think so Brain..."

Oh, sorry, where was I? Oh yes, chaos.

While I've been hiding away in my mind, a few people have been witness to all this. It wasn't very pretty. My contact with the outer world was sporatic, random at best, and maybe a little mental. This was usually done through a series of blips or tweets where I completely ignored any reply. (sorry about that, BTW)

It's just that... Um, I am a VERY solitary person. Hard to believe I know given how social I seem. BUT if I ever went to jail, I'd probably kill someone so I could go to solitary confinement and be perfectly content there for the remainder of my 20 year sentence (it wouldn't be an added life sentence because the person I'd murder would be for the benefit of all the prison and I'd be hailed a hero!).

There is not much in between with me. I am either a social butterfly, friends with everyone, peace maker, hippie, and lover. But the kind that you do not want to piss off. I mean, b/c when I get pissed off that's when visions of murder and black and blue and purple and beating someone senseless comes to my mind. (I TOLD you, I'm crazy). It's just that people rarely see that side of me, or think i'm kidding when I say it out loud. JSYK, I'm not kidding.... *evil gleam*

If I'm not out being socially acceptable, I'm stuck in my head doing horrible, horrible things.

Or puzzles.

Puzzles calm me down. Until my kids get a hold of it and tear all my hard work back into many pieces then I'm the opposite of calm. It is in those moments when I want to give my kids back. I want to send them away to a storage like those P.O.D.S (Portable On Demand Storage). I want them to leave until my patience returns (which isn't very often during those times).

I don't want to hear "Mommy, he hit me!" or "*SCREAM*" or "I'm hungry!!!!"
I don't want to come out to all the cushions off the couch or the samurai swords unsheethed and on the floor.
I don't want there to be holes in my wall or a beautiful picture colored all over it either.
I don't want Vaseline covering everything within their arms reach or shit to be all over the floor (literally).
I do not want maple syrup in my dryer or pickles sticking out of the crevices of the couch.
I do not want to see them pissing off the front porch at noon when the little old lady neighbor goes for her daily wheelchair "walk".
I do not want to find the TV antenna on the floor because Channel 5 (PBS) was messed from that fuckin digital switch that is "better for everyone" and the kids tried to adjust it themselves. (Sweet for not getting me, but they just made an even bigger mess for me to clean by shattering the picture frame glass and knocking everything else down off the entertainment center).
As much as I laugh at my kids dressing themselves in swimming goggles, a princess dress, an old thanksgiving paper headband, with skeleton gloves and boots, I do not want to find their drawers emptied all over the floor.

Do you see where I'm going with that. *shrugs* Go ahead, say, "That's just part of being a mom" Fuck off... I know it is, but that doesn't mean i WANT to deal it. Obviously I have NOT shipped my kids away, so there. But just realize that it adds to my retreating.

Also I want to make something clear. You don't know me... I mean, I am not lying about who I am and if I tell you something about me, it is me. But don't assume you know everything. I have been through shit that many will never comprehend. I have done stuff that most will never know. It has made me who I am today. Good and Bad. And I am both. I accept it, I deal with it (or I don't depending how you mean "deal") *shrugs*

Um, now I've forgotten where I was going with any of this and what exactly my point was. I've gone a little, how can I put this...

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......................

And NO I'm not drunk or on any medication. I'm going to enjoy this now and play on blip again while this high lasts!

Please, feel free to visit my little world if I disappear there again. I cannot guarantee you'll survive or that you'll come out of it without needing to go to an asylum for a while. I also cannot guarantee you'll actually find me or if you do that I'll be friendly if I even acknowledge you at all. It's nothing personal, I promise. Just slowly back away, forget what you saw and PLEASE don't hate me when I come back out.

*lights the tiki torches* Hey, we don't really care for the sun here, so this will work!

Thank you all SOOOO much for coming and making it to the end of that crazy ass... ME! *laughs* Now, I have cake and spiked tropical punch Kool-aid over there. Enjoy! Take all you want. Stay and party with me. Leave *shrugs* I'm just glad y'all came!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an 80's coverband concert to get ready for tonight and a BAD ASS FOOTBALL GAME tomorrow.

GO TEXAS TECH!!!!!! *guns up*

AFTERTHOUGHT: The concert was awesome and the football game... not quite as awesome *pout*

Because I hate to end on a pout, I'm going to self pimp that one-shot I wrote *giggle*

To Hold Your Hand

Someone has a crush on Rose and decides to tell her.

Inspired by The Beatles I Want to Hold Your Hand

Ok, you guys, I love you all!!! <3>

Also, Thank You, Smutty! You know why!

CONGRATULATIONS, KRISTEN

Some of you may know, some of you don't, but our very own uhyesplease, aka Kristen, competed in a triathlon this weekend!

What is a triathlon?

Def: noun. An athletic contest in which each athlete competes in three different events, swimming, cycling and running.

It starts with a .75K or ~.5 mile swim

Followed by a 22.8 K or ~14 mile bike ride

Ending with a 5K ~3 mile run to the finish line

She has been training very hard for this and I am super, uber, extra excited proud of her! She is such an inspiration. And to show her just how much we love her, I wanted to put together a little post from all of us.

from Desiree aka sbgdgt:

Twin, where do I begin? You truely are an inspiration. You have worked your ass off (literally) and did some major training (almost) everyday. *wink* You're a mom, a wife, a hard worker and to me, you are a great friend! I love you so much more than words can say! I'm so fuckin' proud of you and I will be, am, was cheering for #995! Good luck and by the time you see this, Congratulations on this HUGE acheivement!

Love ~Desiree

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from Jeanne aka einfach mich:

You are awesome! Good luck in the triathlon. Love you, baby.

<3 align="center">Jeanne

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from Honolulu Girl aka truebloodtwilight:

Congrats Uhyesplease!! What an accomplishment, I'm so very proud of you!

Love,

HG truebloodtwilight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from Emma aka Zoomage:

Well done, you crazy gal, you have some guts.

Love from Zoomage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from Kendall:

Congratulations, my sister - I knew you could do it! Today, I 'rejoice as greatly over your achievement as if it were my own.' I'm so very proud of you, little girl! Woo hoo!

~Kendall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Smuttier Than You:

Sweetest uhyesplease, aka #995, aka Megan, you are wonderment. Mother, daughter, wife, doula, author, beta, TRIATHLON commander!!! Beyond all of that, you are a friend. One that is made of sunshine and rainbows and possibly a unicorn thrown in there for good measure. I am so proud and in awe of your accomoplishment.

Heart you hard,

Smutty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From MrsBing:

Congratulations on this HUGE achievement! You are so amazing (and strong!) and I am SO proud of you. A triathlon! Get it, girl. :) Can't wait to see the finish-line pic. Woooooo!

--MrsBing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from Britpacksuccubus:

Hey, lady, congrats on the triathlon!!! You're a stronger woman than I....or maybe just crazier. :)

Ami

Britpcksuccubus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from LisaHR79:

How about the English Channel next?? Carlisle did it. *laughs*

Great Job!

Lisa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from Pushy:

Kristen, you are SERIOUSLY DA BOMB for doing this!!! I'm so proud of you!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From betti:

Betti sez "Uhyesplease for president!"

Hugs, Betti

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from sjAimee:

Kristen,

I wanted to send you some slutty cheerleaders to cheer you on but couldn't quite get it together so I found this pic instead..

But then... I thought that there were better things out there than pictures of slutty cheerleader.. What could be better than slutty cheerleaders?

Naked ones? NO! Gah.. get your head of out the gutter!!

Cupcakes..!

Yes Cupcakes are better! All that mouth watering icing and sprinkles are like an orgasm all on their own.

So I bring you visions of cupcakes

Congratulations, I'm so proud of you and all your hard work!

Hugs and kisses and slutty cheerleader pictures,

sjAimee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Becky Boodles:

Congratulations you hardcore woman!!!

--Bex

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from donnersun:

So proud of you girl! Congrats...you are a MACHINE!!!! Love ya!

Meg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from bierbeck:

Kristen- Way to go! I am soo proud of you. You rock!

---- Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's this!?

A new POST!?

YAY! *doing a happy dance*

So, what is this post about? Well...

Honestly, it's not about Twilight. *gasp* I KNOW! What the fuck!? BUT as the title of this blog clearly states, this is about my insomniac random obsessions.

Seeing as it's 1:30am and I am NO WHERE NEAR being sleepy, (despite those clacium pills, Daddy {who will never actually read this}), I've got the insomniac part covered.

For the Random... Drum roll please?

*drrrrrrrrrrrr (breath) rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

"Steve like pizza."

There we go! *dusts off hands*

On now to my current obsession! MUSIC!

Ok, I have totally given into my rock side.

*announcers voice* Desi has left the 80's building! (Finally, I know!)

Though I still find comfort in the 80s music, much like hugging an old, stuffed teddy bear named Bozo or a well loved stuffed donkey w/ his mane rubbed off named Donkey Donkey (hey, I was 2), this genre music has just taken over me.

As crazy as it sounds, a little Disturbed or a little Mudvayne helps lower my blood pressure when life's shit has me down! I think it's because the music is so loud and in your face your brain isn't able to think about anything else. It's the perfect cure for me!

Now, onto my loves. Anyone that knows me might pass out at this next statement, but...

Move Over Bon Jovi

*faint*

*smelling salting myself*

And I'm back!

Wow, that almost killed me to say, but it's true. NO ONE COULD EVER REPLACE my 80s and 90s Bon Jovi, but here in the 2000s, Three Days Grace has taken the lead.

In case you didn't know, I went and saw them in April. It was an amazing show! I knew I already loved them, but I denied the fact that they soared past Bon Jovi until after said concert.

Who else do I listen to? Well, on a regular basis, it is Three Days Grace, Shinedown, Halestorm, Theory of a Deadman, Red, Nickleback and Disturbed. Hell, here ya go, I'll make it easy.

While you're at it, just check out all my music. I love to share! *big goofy grin*

And YES, I do sing to just about all of it! You know how I love to sing!!

*singing*

"Sing. Sing a song. Sing out loud, sing out stroooong!
Sing of good times, not bad. Sing of happy, not sad"

Now, I might have messed those lyrics up, but it's been years since I've actually sang that song! But it popped into my head. Don't know why!? *wink*

Well, I think I'm done w/ my rambling. For now.

Good Ev-en-ing to y'all!

Te amo! *wink*