Mighta, Coulda, Has been awhile

*Steps out of my storm shelter and looks around*

WOW! Those tumble weeds are HUGE!!! Gah

*Gets to work straightening up, mowing, weed eating, edging, and throwing roadside debris, lots and lots of alcohol bottles and all trimmings into the burn barrel, lighting it up*

There! *cleans w/ Hanitizer* What? That's a word! Just ask my kids! *single nod*

*Sits down at my desk and sends out pretty, frilly pink and brown and white inviations covered in flowers and polka-dots and kitty cats with whiskers and ribbon*

YOU ARE INVITED!!! Please join me in a new blog post about my crazy ass world. WARNING: I do mean C-R-A-Z-Y. Thanks! Can't wait to see you here!!! :D

*Checks the guest list and waits* Geez you guys, don't you all come at once....

*sends out reminder cards*

Don't forget! Come one, come all (preferably all). Please? *hopeful eyes* PS No presents needed. Only presence *wink*

Hey there guys *tenative smile*

I know it's been a while... A long fuckin' time *whispers* shut up *mental point at myself*

Ok, I know it's been a long fuckin' time since I've been here. *looks around* Yeah...

Actually, it's been a while since I've been around many places- blog, chat, twitter... Some of you may have noticed, others maybe not. *rocking back and forth, picking off my nail polish*

Either way, I've been a total fail. Wanna know what I've been up to? No? I don't fuckin' care! Sit your ass down and get comfortable! *clears throat* Sorry, ok, not really, but still... There are little mats in the corner if you want, I know the grass is a little itchy.

You know how four-letter words are the end-all of bad days? Like DAMN! or SHIT! or FUCK!!! or GRRR.... That's how all of this started. It started with a four-letter word - June. Sounds innocent enough, but let me tell you my June was worse than a movie. You know those movies, when you shake your head and say, "NO WAY Can all that happen to just one person!" Well, it DID happen and it sucked! Details not needed, but that's where it started.

June rolled right into another four-letter word that proved just as difficult - July. *nods* That's right. I'm not just being dramatic, I swear! It. Was. Shitty...

After that, I moved. I began living in my own little world. Sounds like a nice place to be right? Riiiiiiight.... Unless that little world is filled with spiders the size of your palm, murder, deathly beatings, duct tape (and not in the fun playing way), screaming kids, sleepless nights, living with someone you cannot stand but have to put up with their shit everyday telling them how much you hate them only to have them continue to piss you off because they know how to push all 'those' flaming anger buttons, ignoring phone calls, texts, and messages, coughing till you vomit and piss yourself, closets/bathrooms, writing a one shot in one day, no sex, no pretty blue skies (only b/c blue happends to be my favorite color, if it were pink, they'd be pink skies, ya see?), general doom and gloom, and did I mention no sex? *dies*

But you know what? That doesn't seem to do my world justice... It seems too orderly when I put it into a list like that. Hm... Wait! *scrolls through pictures on my phone*

Here...

*makes the sun set (only if it were that easy, right sjAimee?) and starts the movie projector*

See these pictures?

That's more like it.
Chaotic.
Colorful chaos.

Maybe that should be its name. *ponders*

It's settled, my world is now called Colorful Chaos.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Pinky?" "Um, I think so Brain..."

Oh, sorry, where was I? Oh yes, chaos.

While I've been hiding away in my mind, a few people have been witness to all this. It wasn't very pretty. My contact with the outer world was sporatic, random at best, and maybe a little mental. This was usually done through a series of blips or tweets where I completely ignored any reply. (sorry about that, BTW)

It's just that... Um, I am a VERY solitary person. Hard to believe I know given how social I seem. BUT if I ever went to jail, I'd probably kill someone so I could go to solitary confinement and be perfectly content there for the remainder of my 20 year sentence (it wouldn't be an added life sentence because the person I'd murder would be for the benefit of all the prison and I'd be hailed a hero!).

There is not much in between with me. I am either a social butterfly, friends with everyone, peace maker, hippie, and lover. But the kind that you do not want to piss off. I mean, b/c when I get pissed off that's when visions of murder and black and blue and purple and beating someone senseless comes to my mind. (I TOLD you, I'm crazy). It's just that people rarely see that side of me, or think i'm kidding when I say it out loud. JSYK, I'm not kidding.... *evil gleam*

If I'm not out being socially acceptable, I'm stuck in my head doing horrible, horrible things.

Or puzzles.

Puzzles calm me down. Until my kids get a hold of it and tear all my hard work back into many pieces then I'm the opposite of calm. It is in those moments when I want to give my kids back. I want to send them away to a storage like those P.O.D.S (Portable On Demand Storage). I want them to leave until my patience returns (which isn't very often during those times).

I don't want to hear "Mommy, he hit me!" or "*SCREAM*" or "I'm hungry!!!!"
I don't want to come out to all the cushions off the couch or the samurai swords unsheethed and on the floor.
I don't want there to be holes in my wall or a beautiful picture colored all over it either.
I don't want Vaseline covering everything within their arms reach or shit to be all over the floor (literally).
I do not want maple syrup in my dryer or pickles sticking out of the crevices of the couch.
I do not want to see them pissing off the front porch at noon when the little old lady neighbor goes for her daily wheelchair "walk".
I do not want to find the TV antenna on the floor because Channel 5 (PBS) was messed from that fuckin digital switch that is "better for everyone" and the kids tried to adjust it themselves. (Sweet for not getting me, but they just made an even bigger mess for me to clean by shattering the picture frame glass and knocking everything else down off the entertainment center).
As much as I laugh at my kids dressing themselves in swimming goggles, a princess dress, an old thanksgiving paper headband, with skeleton gloves and boots, I do not want to find their drawers emptied all over the floor.

Do you see where I'm going with that. *shrugs* Go ahead, say, "That's just part of being a mom" Fuck off... I know it is, but that doesn't mean i WANT to deal it. Obviously I have NOT shipped my kids away, so there. But just realize that it adds to my retreating.

Also I want to make something clear. You don't know me... I mean, I am not lying about who I am and if I tell you something about me, it is me. But don't assume you know everything. I have been through shit that many will never comprehend. I have done stuff that most will never know. It has made me who I am today. Good and Bad. And I am both. I accept it, I deal with it (or I don't depending how you mean "deal") *shrugs*

Um, now I've forgotten where I was going with any of this and what exactly my point was. I've gone a little, how can I put this...

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......................

And NO I'm not drunk or on any medication. I'm going to enjoy this now and play on blip again while this high lasts!

Please, feel free to visit my little world if I disappear there again. I cannot guarantee you'll survive or that you'll come out of it without needing to go to an asylum for a while. I also cannot guarantee you'll actually find me or if you do that I'll be friendly if I even acknowledge you at all. It's nothing personal, I promise. Just slowly back away, forget what you saw and PLEASE don't hate me when I come back out.

*lights the tiki torches* Hey, we don't really care for the sun here, so this will work!

Thank you all SOOOO much for coming and making it to the end of that crazy ass... ME! *laughs* Now, I have cake and spiked tropical punch Kool-aid over there. Enjoy! Take all you want. Stay and party with me. Leave *shrugs* I'm just glad y'all came!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an 80's coverband concert to get ready for tonight and a BAD ASS FOOTBALL GAME tomorrow.

GO TEXAS TECH!!!!!! *guns up*

AFTERTHOUGHT: The concert was awesome and the football game... not quite as awesome *pout*

Because I hate to end on a pout, I'm going to self pimp that one-shot I wrote *giggle*

To Hold Your Hand

Someone has a crush on Rose and decides to tell her.

Inspired by The Beatles I Want to Hold Your Hand

Ok, you guys, I love you all!!! <3>

Also, Thank You, Smutty! You know why!