Monday, December 28, 2009

My New Year's Resolutions

So it hit me just yesterday afternoon that this was not just a new year, this was a new decade! When the hell did that happen!? What the fuck happened to these last 10 years!? *shakes head in disbelief*

These last 10 years have been the worst in my 30 yrs of life. Let's review, shall we?

1999- College w/ a 1 yr old. Married and seemingly happy
2000- Not happy at all. College. Affair. Move in to College Apts w/ BFF. Suicide attempts by the then hubs. etc...
2001- I turned 21! I met new friends. I was back down to 125 lbs. I was social. I started semi-dating my current hubs. I loved life!
2002- Life was still pretty good to start. Got served divorce papers (We were supposed to do it w/o lawyers. It was a shock) Then the shit started. CPS. Custody battle to end all custody battles.
2003- Same.
2004- More custody. Got married. Had my other son.
2005- Custody shit.
2006- Assaults. MORE custody shit. March was the last time I saw my oldest boy. My baby girl was born.
2007- Passed as years do.
2008- Blah once again.
2009- Twilight. FanFiction. Twitter. Did I mention TWILIGHT!?

I have to say that 2009 was the highlight of my decade! I found the Twilight saga after watching the movie. After I read the books twice and lent them to a friend, I needed more. I got onto websites galore and YouTube.

Finally while scanning Stephenie Meyer's website, I found a blog name that jumped out at me. "Super Secret Twilight Blog" I thought "perfect! My obsession is a secret too" and I went there. I met Cutie! My first bloggy friend. I lurked for a while. Left a comment here and there. After a while I visited SSTB every day. Then spread my wings and found other friends' blogs. And eventually started this one.

Heard about a discussion on SSTB about a FF piece called Wide Awake by Angstgoddess003. I read it and joined in on the fun. To say I was floored is an understatement. I had no clue what was going on, but I stuck it out then LOVED it! I needed more! I started w/ Cutie's FF list and my obsession just grew from there.

One FFn story I found was I Get Off by Britpacksuccubus. I LOVE that smexy, lemony, love story! And she had a twitter. Well, after a few emails, I decided to jump into twitter too. I am addicted. Yes, plain and simple :)

Back in November, during all the NaNo talk, I started writing FFn too! :) Woo-hoo!

Then we had The Lemon Sister's Secret Santa and that was a blast! (I still feel bad, One Pushy Fox)

Then came the New Year's Eve Party last night! OMGosh! FUN TIMES!!! Right?? ;-)

*sigh* I don't think I could ever say how excited I feel to have met all of you this year! Twilight really brought a bunch of us together who other would have never met. I have had some really hard times this year here on the home front and whether you knew it or not, you guys kept me sane!! I love you all and can't wait to find out what 2010 has in store for us!

Speaking of 2010...

I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of setting goals for myself that I'll never meet. Not because I don't want to. Not because I didn't really plan on it (because when I say it, I do mean it) But because I seriously lack motivation. So screw the old standbys of:

"I want to lose weight!" - Seriously, who doesn't want to? (And if I have to listen to one more toothpick thin person say they are fat, I will break all their limbs and use them to test the readiness of my cakes!)

"I want to work out more." - Well, this is crucial in losing weight and being healthy, but come on, most people aren't going to do it at all, or they might for a month.

"I want to make more time for my family and friends." - Of course I would like more time with family and friends. But honestly just because I want it doesn't mean that there will magically be more hours in the day. There are only 24 hrs no matter what and if your days are filled with work and being a mom and being a wife, unless your friends or family come over in the middle of the night, this ain't gonna happen.

So with that said, I have set my 2010 New Year's Resolutions!

I resolve to read more. (Be this Sesame Street, Golden Books, FanFic, Twilight, John Saul, or any of these news book titles/authors being presented to me.)

I resolve to eat all the chocolate I want when I'm PMS'ing and not feel bad for hiding it from the kids.

I resolve to save more money for fun trips with and withOUT the kids!

I resolve to finally get ALL the laundry washed instead of leaving those one or two loads that are winter clothes just because it's summer or vice versa.

I resolve to quit trying to please everyone else all the time and start pleasing myself. (Take that how ever you want b/c you're probably correct! LOL)

I resolve to not hide who I am anymore. I've always hid half of who I am because of where I live and because of my family. Why should I? If they love me, they won't care, and I shouldn't care what others think anyway.

So that's for the whole RL New Year's Resolutions.

Now my Twilight Resolutions:

I will read the whole saga again.

I will write/finish my FanFic for that contest that ends on Jan 31st.

I will write the other stories that are in my head and try to continue Ranchward & Bex's story. (And THAT story for you, Betti & Crystal)

I will stay more up to date with my Blog and my friend's Blogs.

So please, I want to hear your thoughts and comments! What are some of your New Year's Resolutions? Real Life or Twilight?

Now please, go get a drink. It could be anything! Water. Coke. Diet Soda. Liquor. Beer. Milk. Just get a drink and toast with me!

*holds glass of Pepsi up high*

Happy 2010 everyone! Here's to a good year for us all!!! :)


A VERY Merry Christmas


Let me start by wishing you all a late Merry Christmas. I hope you got everything you wished for, though I know most of us did not. No matter how hard we wished, begged, dreamed or flat-out asked for them, I know that Edward, Jacob, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and whomever else I forgot, didn't materialize under our trees.

But instead I know some of us got the next best thing. A mini character or a smokin' hot Jacksper as a Secret Santa Deliverer (thx so much Betti Gefecht!)

Which brings me to my next topic. The Lemon Sister's Secret Santa (<-- Click to see the whole assortment of fun and gifts!) As for me, my gift came from the one and only Betti Gefecht over at Betti.Music.Twilight. She gave me a gift that actually made me cry!

Did you notice my new little banner at the top? NO?!?!? Go take a look then, please... *singing Jeopardy*

You're back! It's about time, I had to sing that song twice!
Isn't that just fuckin' awesome!?!?!? Yeah... it is!!!

Next, was a little button for all my friends to use to link to me :) *giggle* It's also over there to your right. Feel free to use it, I promise I won't complain! ;)
Third, did you know that I wrote a little FanFic, Together Again? Yes? No? Oh well, more about that in a minute, but for now, Betti made me the fuckhawt button over to the right. Please meet Ranchward. I'll wait a few extra minutes because it is drool worthy!

Finally, I saw the pic of my Secret Santa delivery guy (once again look to your right). There is a shoulder because Jackson has on a wife beater! *thud*

*15 min later* I regained consciousness and was able to tell Betti how much I love it! She was about to call 911 on my ass since I took so long!

I was at work when she and MrsVanquish coaxed me into clicking that mysterious link under a comment in my blog. Let's just say that I got some weird ass looks from co-workers because I was crying, *squeeing*, making a few of my co-workers (that know only a shallow level of my obsession) look at the fuckhawt pic of Jackson's shoulder, trying to work and not get caught, then recovering from the sheer delight of it all!

It was seriously the best gift I got this year! And it was only that much more special because she made it just for me! *squeeeeeeee* It still makes me all giddy and smile-y!

Like big, goofy, toothy kind of smiley :) THANK YOU, Betti!!!!!! I love it all and I love you too!! :):):):)

This was definitely my year for Twilight goodies. Well, seeing as this is the first gift giving opportunity since I discovered Twilight in March, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I thought I hid most of my obsession with Twilight and all things related pretty well from everyone except a few select RL friends and the hubs who still only knows maybe half of it all. But apparently I didn't hide it as well as I thought. Because for Christmas this year I received the Twilight 2-disc movie (I know, how can I have not already owned it? A. I honestly don't know)

AND I got both Twilight and New Moon movie board games! Yes, I am 30 and in front of my whole family I sat there hugging my new treasures with previously depicted goofy smile.

All in all, I'd say for not expecting anything this year at all, everything turned out nicely!

Now, I had mentioned a FanFic story that I wrote. In the previous post (OMG has it really been over a month!? *facepalm* I'm utter fail), I mentioned that I was in the mood to write. But, I had a sever case of writer's block, so I turned to you, my friends, and the call was answered. My dear friend Bex over at Today I Feel Infinite had a wonderful idea about her being with a cowboy Edward. Ok, how perfect is that? I LOVED the idea! I'm from Texas, so it would be that much easier tapping into the cowboy frame of mind.

Once I started, the words just flowed perfectly. I knew I'd need a beta so I kept asking until I found the best, OnePushyFox. (She's a writer herself, and I recommend checking her award winning stories out!) She helped me get through the bumpy places and helped me polish up some lemons by being my personal Smut-saurus. (No, she's not as old as a dinosaur! Shesh!! That's just my term of endearment for her, my Smut Thesaurus!)

My story originally was going to simply end and only hint at the "good stuff" but with a little liquor (ok, a lot of liquor) and my good ol' computer, a yummy lemon came pulsing out of my fingertips. So it does contain a little lemonade at the end. *giggle*

Now I want to tease you a little, because as a few of my friends can tell you (Bex, Einfach Mich) will tell you, I LOVE to tease... Question is, what part do I tease? Hmm....

*deep in thought*

OK! I've decided, I'll give you a couple of nibbles ;)


I paused when I heard, "Hey, darlin', wait! Pearlene, she'll be my guest for the evenin'." I felt a gentle grasp on my elbow, which turned me around, and I saw Mr. Maybe Not So Satisfied looking me directly in the eye. "If you’d like to be my guest, that is."

Uhhh..... That's all that would have come out of my mouth if I tried to speak, so I picked my jaw up from the floor, smiled and nodded. He let go of my elbow but moved his hand to the small of my back and led me to the podium. He handed me the pen and pointed to the name "Edward" then slid his long finger across the page to the blank space under guest. Edward must have been about 6 feet tall because he towered over my little 5’ 3” frame. Well, 5 foot 7 tonight, thank you shoes! I leaned over to sign my name and he, with his left hand still on the small of my back, flattened his right on the book page to hold it still for me.

Fuck me! He had a tattoo on that inner right forearm! It was a rose and a name. What’s my name? I almost forgot but managed to scribble it down. I laid the pen down as my eyes followed his chiseled arm to his defined bicep where another tattoo peeked out from under his sleeve. My eyes kept roaming to find yet another tattoo partially visible coming up off his shoulder and back onto his neck. It took all the resolve I had to not rape this man in front of all these witnesses.


We laughed for a split second and I sat up straddling him. He was staring me straight in the eye and I bit my lip repeating to myself, Breathe in. Breathe out. Just breathe damn it!

He just laid there underneath me with his mouth slightly agape breathing heavily in time with me. I felt his hips grind upward again as he grabbed my hips for more resistance then his tongue caressed his lips and his head rose with his need to kiss me again. Halfway to sitting up, he grabbed both my camisole and tank and pulled them over my head. He groaned low and deep, “So fucking beautiful,” then buried his face in my cleavage.

My hands were wound in his hair again, but I wanted that shirt off of him. Now! I grabbed it from over his shoulders and started pulling; he stopped touching me just long enough to get that damn thing out of our way. I pulled his face to mine and began gently sucking his lips, down his jaw to his neck. Hello tattoo, I forgot about you! I licked and nipped the beautiful tribal ink that ran from his neck to bicep. GOD DAMN! It ran partly down his back and wrapped around his ribs. Where my mouth couldn’t reach, I alternated between stroking with my fingers and grazing the tattoo with my fingernails. Every touch elicited a hum or a groan until I eventually I made my way back up toward his ear and sucked on his earlobe then whispered, “I’m so fucking wet right now, Edward.”

So what do you think? Go on, read it! Please? :) *giggle*
Let me know what you think, because I'm considering conintuing the story.

I am working on another story right now and there's even a new story brewing in my head too. I've unleashed a monster! Lol :)

Alrighty :) I just had to share the wonderment of my blog makeover and give myself a little pimping time! But I am now off to bed!!

Goodnight y'all!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

In the Moooood

I have been in the mood to write (all this NaNo talk must have worn off on me!) The only problem is that I don't know what to write!? I usually write when something specific comes to me or I get a writing prompt. So here, I sit w/ inspiration, but no subject.

Looking for inspiration, I decided to go back over some of my older writings and share one (for now, maybe more later) with you guys. Maybe putting this out there will inspire a story. *crossing fingers*

Before you read, I want to you imagine a face. A blank face. Void of all color, except for the blood red lips. Void of all expression. With deep set, empty eyes. Silent tears stream down the stilled cheeks. The face is upturned toward the stars begging for peace...

Mystic Eyes

As I look through these mystic eyes to the heavens above,
I know I see you look down upon me.
Through the holes were my eyes once were,
I see the invisible love that you gave to me.
With my cold, stiff body,
I feel the warmth from your heart.
When my thin, bony fingers touch yours,
I experience all that you have in the past.
For the salty tears that fell then dried and my blood red lips that quivered,
I cried them for you after I discovered I couldn't live without you.

Now, on cometh the brainstorm! *closes eyes*

Now, on cometh the Brainstorm! *eyes still closed clutching pen and paper*


Now, On Cometh The BRAINSTORM!!! *huffing & tossing down paper and pen*

Fine, obviously my brainstorm didn't get the memo, but I shall keep on trying! (psst! Hey, you guys! Do YOU have any suggestions on something you've been wanting written? I'll give everything a try at least once!)


*anxiously waiting*

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Twilight and my Pretzel Art

Preztel Art

What the hell is Pretzel Art? Well, it started when my very OCD mind was eating some pretzels. You see, I have to go through a bag and eat all the broken ones first while placeing the whole ones aside in another bag. Only after all the broken ones are gone can I go eat the rest. During my picky food-eating habit I noticed that some of the broken pretzels formed letters. I then procceeded to set aside the letters, chew/break/gnaw the rest of the letters I needed and spell out my name.

I was so fucking proud of myself! *Beaming Brightly*

Then the new tradition! Spell out my name first. (Because sometimes, the pretzels break and the letter doesn't count if you have to hold it together.) Then, eat the broken ones, finally the whole ones.

I slowly figured out that I can make all the letters of my alphabet except for "K". Fuckin' "K"! Of course it doesn't want to cooperate! Of crouse it has to be one little bitch in my OCD fun pretzel time. Well, Fuc_ that letter! I don't need it anway *grumbling to self*

So, eventually I started spelling out my friends names and sending them as a fun little name tags :) Seeing as all of you stuc_ with me through those last two, buc_-ass na_ed, soul spilling posts, I wanted to lighten things up and _eep them light for the next 2 yrs or so! Lol

*Grabs microphone* *tap tap*
Is this thing on?
*blowing into it*
Testing. Testing. Shit this thing isn't wor_ing!
*banging it into my palm the magic number of 3 times*
Oh well...

*Clearing throat & spea_ing REALLY LOUD*
Hello! I want to welcome you to...
*stranger approaches with a wic_ed croo_ed smile*
Ummmm.... (fuc_, what was I saying?)
*stranger switches mic on and win_s*
*collective giggles and big blush*
*staring at green-eyed stranger*
(must read his name tag... Jac_sper? Wow!)
Well, that was embarassing... *aw_ward laugh*
Hello! I want to welcome all of you to my Pretzel Art Show featuring Twilight and some of SBGDGT's friends. So please, sit bac_ and enjoy the clic_able show!
*blushing and turning mic OFF*

(I know there is no Brea_ing Dawn, but I can't half-ass do a word so I just left if off completely)

For stic_ing with me through that very blac_ moment with all
your words of encouragement and wonderful hugs:

*grabs mic and turns it ON*
Than_ you so much for coming out tonight!
I hope you enjoyed my show as much as I enjoyed eating it!
Did any one notice what I did?
*giggles at my sly protest of pretzel bitch*

Monday, November 2, 2009

Big Girl Panties and a Confession

Well, I had this fuckawesome post about wondermus, gory Horror Movies, but instead I got a bit sidetracked and now feel the need to explain. I hear that my last post was a tad bit confusing and yes it was pretty cryptic. :-/ Hmm... I'm sorry.

I am pulling on my big girl panties and while I am about as far away from Catholicism as possible, I am here for confession...

You all have heard me say that I have 3 wonderful kiddos. NO? Well, here read this and while you're there, leave a comment! I'll wait...

*humming Jeopardy* Damn song gets stuck in my head every fuckin' time!

Welcome back!

Ok, so now you know; I have 3 babies. This is the first time I have ever talked about this, so please forgive me, I have had a bit (a lot) of liquid courage.

Here is the MAJORLY shortened version:

I have not seen or talked to my oldest son, he's 11 now, in more than 3.5 yrs, since I was 7 months pregnant w/ my baby girl. There was an assault involved at that time. We had a NASTY custody battle. One in which all the family law lawyers in our area knew the name. One which involved too much fuckin' money, several lawyers, numerous CPS cases, countless police, and one previously mentioned assault. Even in the YEARS prior to this (yes, years), I had limited time w/ him. I "lost" my son when he was 3.5. Why? B/c the shit head knew it was the only way to hurt me. He was right.

That said, that post was directed at my ex. You see, I don't typically go looking for the diseased fuck hole. I simply live my life. But on occasion, I get a little reminiscent, and I want to see something, anything, about my son. When I signed up for Twitter, I wanted to see if I could find him, so I entered in his email address. I wasn't paying attention and I invited him to follow me on Twitter instead of searching for him by his email *smacks head into wall repeatedly for 7 minutes*

Twitter links to my blog.

I almost deleted my Twitter, but decided that was fuckin' retarded. I do that and he wins.

So I did NOT delete my Twitter.

I did NOT un-link my blog.

I am standing up and owning myself. I know he is prowling out there and I wanted to give him a message.

I really miss my son. Some days are better than others. I just see so much of him in my middle son and it starts the memories flowing. Even though my middle son never really knew my oldest, he still calls him "my brother." And what makes me really sad is that my oldest always said he wanted a baby sister. Well, he gets a baby sister and has never even met her. *uber sigh* I have gotta quit while I'm ahead...

Does that make a little more sense now? I hope it explains a bit more.

So, you still ready for that ass whoopin? He deserves it! sjAimee, bring all ya got! We can tag team him! Not in the fun, pervy way, but in the WWE, CM Punk, John Cena, Triple H kind of way.

On your mark. Get Set... GO!

*fight ensues* including but not limited to: kicking, junk punching, eyeball plucking, nose stomping, and junk punching round 2.

A Sober Edit:

W/in all the drunken explanation and fighting, I realized I forgot to add The Confession. (Well, besides that I kinda cyber-stalked my ex.) My Confession: This was my choice. After fighting my ex for 4 years, I couldn't do it any more. During that time, I got married, had my other son after being placed on bed rest from stress, and was pregnant again w/ my daughter. You can imagine the strain that has on a marriage, then add thousands of $$ of lawyer debt and dr bills to top it off. I had a choice.

1. Keep fighting for my oldest child. Lose my husband. Lose myself. Hurt my other son. Hurt my unborn child if my ex lost his temper again. (I'm lucky the assault was not on me, but I was there and it could have easily been me.) I could continue to allow my oldest son to be torn between me and his dad. I could continue to allow his dad to use him as a tool to hurt me. Hell, he wasn't even allowed to call me Mommy...

2. I could let go. I could hope that his life wouldn't be as crazy when he isn't being coached into lying and hating me. I could try to make a normal life for my other two children, husband, and family.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." ~H Ellis

There are days when I regret many things, but then I remember I cannot regret them. Those choices gave me my children. Those choices made me who I am today.

I have lost so many important people in my life not by my choice. This. This was my choice. And believe me when I say it was and still is the hardest one I have ever had to make. I gave up my visitation, but not my rights. I was supposed to be able to call him on his b-day and Christmas. They never answered.

I always wonder how his life is now. I hope he is well. I dream of him knocking on my door and knowing him instantly, because I will never forget his eyes. They are blue with a tiny spot of brown in his right one. And, I will never forget that crooked grin. But until that day...

... I'll keep dreaming.

Throwing This Out There. Sorry, friends.

Hello, You. You know who. Yes, YOU! Like what you've found? Well, I guess I did gift wrap it for you. I might be a little naive sometimes, but I am not stupid. I'm curious as to what's bouncing around in that head of yours right now. On second thought, I don't give a rat's shitty asshole.

I want you to know that I might breakdown sometimes, but I am not broken. You have failed. You. Did. Not. Break. Me. You only made me stronger. You will NEVER be able to comprehend how much love I have in my heart for him.

Even now.

Especially now.

A friend recently brought a wonderful quote to my attention (ty, for sharing this):
"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
~H. Ellis

I might still be working on finding that perfect balance, but I already chose what I let go of and what I am still holding on to. I cannot forget and will never let go or stop loving him, no matter what you try to do.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Meme! Woo-hoo!

Momma, if you are here, then please just go ahead and click on that little "X" in the upper right hand corner. I LOVE YOU! And thx :)

Well, looky here! I got tagged! By sjAimee and Annie! :) Woo-hoo! I am so excited! Sung a la Brian Griffin: "It's peanut butter jelly time. Peanut butter Jelly time. Peanut butter jelly time. Where you at? where you at? Where ya at? Now, there ya go! There ya go! There ya go! There ya go! Peanut butter jelly. Peanut butter Jelly"

A note from, Twitarded, the lovely ladies who started this little chain:

So here's the deal: STY and I came up with a couple of questions for all you bloggers. If you're tagged, answer the questions and tag four other blogs. Don't forget to link back to the blog that tagged you! Let's see how many blogs we can get to participate and hopefully at the end of all this we'll know a lot more about each other. Believe it or not, we even made the questions 99% other-blog friendly! I don't think I said vagina or cock gobbling in a single question!On your mark, get set, GO!!

1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?

2) One my personal favorite games: Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast. **

3) What is your favorite band/type of music?

4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?

5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? A blogger?

6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.

7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

**Just encase you didn't know: Fuck, Marry, Kill Rules - Out of all the Twilight characters pick one character you want to fuck, one you would marry and one you would love to kill.

A tiny warning: I am wordy and a little indecisive.

1)What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?

When I was 21, I drove 5 hrs to meet someone that I had found online and spoke to on the phone. Only my ex kinda knew where I was. He knew which town and that was about it. I'm glad my intuition was right and he wasn't a psychotic murderer. OH! And one of the most stupid lessons I learned was: NEVER wear a tube top with no bra to the strip club and hide the money in there unless you wanna be making your own tips!

2) One my personal favorite games: Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast. **

Fuck: Jasper! Oh, can you imagine him being affected by your lust. You feeding off his lust. Back and forth and back and forth and back... *shaking out of day dream* Yeah, and you know his power has a stronger effect when he's touching you... Think about that! *drool* OH! And add a little Rosalie in there too please. She might be vain, but as many houses as her and Emmett have destroyed, you know she's a little freaky :)

Marry: Carlisle. He's compassionate, intelligent, and loving. Being the emotionally driven, passionate, way too empathetic person I am, I need someone who could understand that about me and be my voice of reason when I'm being unreasonable. Someone who could and would ground me when I'm floating away with my heads in the clouds. :-D

Kill: Either Lauren- I just hate that type of person that doesn't give someone a chance. Just judges off, I don't know what, but they suck! Or Jessica- for being two faced. (yea, I read Midnight Sun) At least Laruen is upfront about her snotty-ness.

3) What is your favorite band/type of music?

This is gonna be weird, but Beethoven is one of my FAVORITES. The emotions that his music evokes is just incomparable: Horn Sonata (I played this for a recital the song starts ~2:40- Part 1, Part 2). 3rd mvt of Moonlight Sonata (most people know the slow 2nd Mvt, but this one is all firey passion and unadulterated lust to me). That list could go on and on... But Bon Jovi has been my main man since 1988. *singing* Cause I'm wanted, dead or alive *singing and playing air guitar solo* But I have been so caught up in my new found Rock Love, that I didn't even know he had a new song out... :/ So lately, it's been Rock: 3 Days Grace, Shinedown, Breaking Benjamin, Halestorm, etc... NO Rap, hip-hop, or R&B or billboard top 40 kind of stuff for me. Some country OK, but I prefer the 90's country.

4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?

Used to be Grease hands down, with a doubt, no second guessing. But I've become a bit of a movie fanatic, and there are SOOO many now! Superbad, Blades of Glory, Zoolander, Atonement, PS I Love You, The Notebook, My Girl, Beaches, Then and Now, Fast and the Furious (with Vin Diesel of course), Wanted, LoTR trilogy, Saw series, Rob Zombie's Halloween, I'm waiting for Trick 'R Treat so it can be on this list too, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Troy, Harry Potter series, Dusk 'till Dawn (Salma *drool*), Gladiator, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, Sweeny Todd, cartoon movies, The Crow, Immortal Beloved, Southland Tales, City of Angels, Braveheart, and Schindler's List. Please don't make me choose... :(

5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? A blogger?

Well, when I came to work so excited about my official Bella Swan and Renesmee Cullen t-shirts from TwilightTeez, no one seemed to be as excited as I was, but I guess they could figure out how much I love it. Still, honestly no one but you guys know (or understand) the full extent. My Hubs know I spend hrs on the puter, and my mom knows I have a blog and it's mostly about Twilight stuff. She has my blog address, and I think I might need to remedy that and delete it from her favorites though!! And the reason no one knows, is b/c no one in RL cares enough for me to let my Twilight guard down.

6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.

Let's see, there are 168 hrs in a week... *mumbling* sleep, work, *counting* driving, kids *subtracting and adding* multi-tasking... Shit... Um... You really wanna know? Ok, I spend half of my 40 hr work week thinking about or doing something twilight b/c I am awesome like that and can multi-task. So I'll admit to more than 40, but less than 80. How's that? (I'm addicted to FanFic, btw)

7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

When I was 17, I was in a car wreck. I totaled Daddy's car on a little 1.5 lane country back road. I went into a ditch on the left, but caught myself and got back on the road. No big deal. I then hit some gravel on the right so when I gassed it, I fishtailed back to the left, into a bar ditch, ripped off my license plate, flew about 10 ft in the air then skidded about 50 ft to finally stop in a cotton field. When I was flying, my seat belt released and I hit the steering wheel, broke my nose, and I had a thumb nail that was about 2.5 inches long that sheared off my eyelashes and cut my eyelid all the way through, but missed my eye ball. (talk about luck!) Add a concussion on top of that. And all of this was b/c... *dun dun DUN*

I tried to shoo a freakin' mosquito out of the car window...

Yes!! I swear it was that big! And, hey, I'm allergic! :p Maaaaan, has my family NEVER let me forget this.

Now, who to tag? (sorry if you've already been tagged, I filled this out last night but am just now getting around to poasting. LOL I spelled that like toast! Let's try again POSTING)

Bex from I feel Infite,
One Pusy Fox,
Tara Sue Me, and
Fornication Station.

I know this isn't totally "me" today, I'm a little sleepy for a change :)

Friday, October 23, 2009

My Enablers


This week has been bitter sweet for me.
I have 3 wonderful babies. My middle baby turned 5 this week!!!
I cannot believe how fast these last 5 years have just flown by!
I remember when I brought that tiny old man home.
Think Benjamin Button.
Comb over and everything LOL
It’s bitter because he’s growing up.
It’s sweet because he’s growing up.
You Mommies know what I mean… *sigh*



A special thanks to
sjAimee for the shout out and
pointing you guys to my little corner.
THANK YOU, sjAimee!!!
You. Made. My. Day!


I now have 14 followers!!! Double digits, yo!


I feel so honored that you guys are here!
I think all of you are be-awesome! (Rhino from Bolt)

As a token of my thanks I have a couple of gifts.
No, they aren’t much, but they are very delectable!

Gift A:

I am a chocoholic! My gift is the recipe to
Momma’s Famous Brownie Pudding.
It is homemade brownies on top
with a creamy pudding under.
"Yum Yum Yum! Delicioso!"
I’m eating some now!

1 cup flour
¾ cup sugar
2 Tbls baking cocoa
2 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
½ cup milk
2 Tbls cooking oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
¾ cup nuts, your choice (optional)
¾ cup brown sugar
¼ cup baking cocoa
1¾ cup HOT water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Sift first 5 dry ingredients; add milk, oil and vanilla.
Stir till smooth; add nuts (optional).
Pour into greased (or baking sprayed) 8x8x2 inch pan.
In separate bowl, combine remaining ingredients.
Slowly pour over batter in pan.
Bake for approximately 45 minutes.

The brownie part will rise to the top and the yum-a-licious pudding part will be underneath. The pudding will be VERY runny when it’s hot. The longer it sits and cools, the more pudding like it gets. But who can resist hot brownies? Not me! I hope you all enjoy!

For those of you who aren’t chocolate lovers or are on a diet,
how about some Lemonade?

Gift B:

A list of some of my favorite FanFics!

Most of these are filled with some sexin’s.
For those of you under 18,
stick with Gift A.

  • Wide Awake by Angstgoddess- Just in case you haven’t gotten wind of this magnificent story, finish my blog, comment, then GO READ IT! It is all Human, with canon couples, but they don’t call her Angstgoddess for nothin’! Bella and Edward both have a troubled past that they must overcome. There are some delicious cookies and some magical Unicorns. Don’t understand? Read it and you will! Personally, when I read this, the story was not finished. It left off in a VERY dark place. It put me in a funk for a whole week! Like people-avoided-me-at-all-costs kind of funk. But don’t fret! The sun rose in the east and all that is left is the Epilogue.

These next stories are all tied in together and deal with a Dominant/submissive lifestyle. If that’s not your thing, don’t bother. If you’re not sure, READ THEM! They are very sexy and well written. And please, she has said this, and I’ll say it too: She does not life this life and it does not necessarily represent the exact lifestyle. It is a fictional story, though she does try to research there is only so much you can do. There. I feel better.

  • The stories by tara sue me:
    The Submissive - This is the original story and is in Bella’s, the submissive, point of view b. The Dominant- This is same story but from Edward’s, the Dominant, point of view. As it does tell the same story, it is not simply a re-hash of The Submissive. There are a lot of things going on in Edward’s head and he doesn’t skim over some of the parts that Bella might have.
    The Training- This is the sequel to the previously mentioned stories by tara sue me.

This next story is great! It starts off with couples totally mismatched. Do they stay that way? Maybe. Maybe not.

  • The Ex-Factor: Edward & Bella by AngelAtTwilight- Basically, this is a story 4 years after Edward and Bella break up right out of high school, and all their anger, unresolved feelings, and how their lives have moved on. If you can’t tell by the title, it is a Bella & Edward story. So, if you aren’t too fond of the first couplings, at least keep that in mind. Angel’s profile page also has a LOT of little extra’s for the story. This story mixes it up with many different points of view. Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jacob. They are ALL there, and she does a great job getting into each of these characters heads! While this story does have some sexin’s it is also a great story about love and overcoming past demons. So if you aren’t as fond of the lemony goodness, you can skim over them and not miss out on the story.

This next story is also very sweet with a few lemons thrown in. Again, if lemonade is not your thing, skim over them, but read this story! It’s got one hell of an ending I think!

  • Falling For You by GreenEyedGirl17- Bella is a pediatric nurse who’s had her fair share of bad dates and happens to work for Carlisle. Edward is Carlisle's son and a divorced father of two. Scheming friends will try to bring them together but will Tanya ruin everything?


  • Waxing Crescent by Pastiche Pen- It's a story about Renesmee, a few years old, but about 16. She's ready and wants to go to High School, meet new friends, and is finding new feelings for Jacob. Then a stranger comes to town and turns all the Cullen's lives for a loop.

As if you guys don’t already know about this story. It is Twilight swimming in the Twilight Zone! I’m talking twisted and crazy, sexy and scary, sweet and psychotic. Figured it out?

  • Buried Among the Begonias by DurtyNelly- This is one fucked up Edward and Bella story, but you just can’t stop reading it! Here’s another warning: This story is not for the weak hearted nor the weak stomached. It is crazy. It is twisted. It is damp, dark basements scary, with sex in between and sometimes included in the craziness. But I’ll be damned if I stop reading it! It’s the car wreck you can’t turn away from, and I love DurtyNelly for it! For writing something completely different than I have yet to see in the FanFic world.

Now finally, my last pimpin’. Check out this pic, then take a minute and listen to the song that inspired the last story. (I’ll try not to sing too loud, but no promises because this band is one of my current obsessions)


Intrigued? I know I was!

  • I Get Off by britpacksuccubus- Such delicious graphic lemons throughout this whole story. Intended as a one-shot, this story has grown and I cannot say enough about it b/c I absolutely LOVE this story. (That’s the exhibitionist, freak in me speaking) Throughout the story, there are some Twilight throw backs to remind us why we are there in the first place. So far we've been visited by Peepella and SmokeNStrokeward plus a few others. Here’s the summary:

“When Bella becomes Edward’s assistant and moves in across the street, what will happen when he takes in the view? And not just those of the skyline…”

On brit’s profile page, there are also links for the outfits worn, the places they live, characters, and even the songs that inspire(d) the story. She put a lot of work into this! Hell, just check out all her stories, they are wonderfully smut filled and fuck-tastically HAWT!


If you noticed the title of this post, it’s called My Enablers.

What few friends and forced relationships (in-laws,
bros and parents) I have left, have been saved.
They don’t have to listen to as much
“Twilight this, Twilight that,”
“New Moon premiere,”
“Edward & Bella,”
“Can’t wait,”

They profusely thank you!

And so do I.

I don’t have to hear “It’s only a movie, Whitey!”
I don’t have to taste the sour rejection.
I don’t have to see the eyes roll.
I don’t have to smell the farts.
I don’t have to feel the sigh.

This is because each and every one of you, fanfic authors, blog keeper-uppers, and followers, are My Enablers. Here in my real life, no one fully understands my obsession with Twilight. Hell, I don’t even get it! But, for what ever reason, I believe fate brought me here and helped me find y'all. You don’t judge my obsession and most of the time add fuel to my fire! I freakin’ love you guys! So here’s one more big THANK YOU! And now I’m done with the mushy girly feelings.

Till next time…

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Puppy Love

If you have not read the Twilight books and do not want to know
anything what may or may not happen in the New Moon or
Eclipse movies (ya know, cause I didn't write
the screenplays) then you might want
to just look at the pictures.

I wag my finger at me with disappointment...
I hang my head in shame...
I tsk, tsk myself...

"Why, SBGDGT," you might ask?

Well, some of you might have noticed, some might not, BUT... I forgot Jacob in my "Ideal Cast" post. *hiding behind my hands*

*Squares shoulders to face the music* I didn't keep him as "Would not recast". I didn't even mention his name. I feel bad for a few reasons:

  1. He's a major character, duh.

  2. New Moon is almost here, and this is his time to shine. When I first read New Moon, even though I knew it was coming, I cried and cried but continued to "read" and not just skip to the end. And if "by read" you mean, *speed typing* reading really, really fast over the whole thing and hating Jacob and his immature ways just to hurry and get to the part when Edward and Bella are back together again, *whew* then yes, that's how I read it the first time. When I read it again, I actually liked Jacob. The third time, I was smitten. And the fourth... I fell in love. I felt his pain. I cried when he asked Bella to stay. In the end, I am happy for Edward and Bella, but I definitely saw the path of Jacob and Bella play out in my mind. To continue...

  3. I have a thing for the Native physical features. (my husband is Mexican Indian heritage *waggles eyebrows*)

  4. I want to be able to look at Jacob without getting arrested for the dirty thoughts that run through my mind. Ya know, like the space heater scene *wink wink*

  5. I want to be able to look at Jacob without getting arrested for the dirty thoughts that run through my head. Ya know, like the space heater scene *wink wink* (This is a big enough of a reason I counted it twice!)

If you haven't figured it out yet, I would change Jacob. Maybe if Taylor were a few yrs older? I don't know, he's just not that cute to me... Sorry all you Taylor fans, but it's just how I feel! And I couldn't find one person to fit my Jacob. Especially since he changes SO MUCH in New Moon. So, I have a few different people, you can mesh them all together in your head b/c I am not talented with that all PhotoShop shit.

First I give you Rudy Youngblood. This would be my Twilight to beginning of New Moon, perpetually happy-go-lucky Jacob. Look at that grin. I could see this man in a homemade garage, working on cars and motorcycles, all greased up... *daydreaming of space heaters* Sorry, I'm back :)

Next is Rick Mora. This is more how I actually picture Jacob's face, with the very angular jaw and cheeks, but I wanted him to be a little cuter. Still, Rick's hair is gorgeous, so just put this hair on Rudy's face. Can't you see this as the mean face he puts on when he's trying to make Bella leave him alone though?

Announcement: The part of Jacob Black, the Werewolf, will be played by Jason Dehoyo. Just look at those soulful eyes. You can swim in them! And the body? Yeah, now that's what a ripped Werewolf is supposed to look like... *drooooool*

So, there ya have it folks, my Jacob Black. I think I have made up for my little mishap in the previous post. Jacob, himself, told me he feels better now since I dedicated this WHOLE thing to him. Boy, am I relieved to hear that!

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Ideal Cast

Alrighty :) I am having an Insomniac Night. So here's what I've got for ya. I know how everyone has their idea of the perfect cast for the Twilight series, myself included. I also know that it can be hard to put an actual face to the one you see in your head. I am not an artist by any means other than a stick figure or two, so I have decided to hunt down actors/actresses that most resemble my imagination.
Seeing as I am NOT 16 yrs old or 20 for that matter, I imagine my cast a tad older. Truth be told, Bella had blonde hair and grey eyes and Edward... well, here take a look:

Wow! Now that's a fairy tale couple right there!

What!? *stuff fingers in ears* La la la la la, I can't hear you!
OK! OK!!!! Fine... *pouting*
I'll move on...

Now, I know that these guys are not "the" stars of these stories, but I am going to start with the actors that I think are perfect. I cannot, would not change Billy Burke as Charlie. He's the perfect dad for this story! He is sexy as all get out in real life,

Exhibit A:

There's something about that mustache and the flannel that makes him
Cheif Swan, a loving, awkward dad.

I also would not change Ashley Greene as Alice. She fit the book so perfectly that while I read it, I still pictured her. Jasper on the other hand, I did not like in Twilight. He looked weird, but I have since come around and think that Jackson Rathbone is a freakin' hottie. (Please see previous post.) Ashley and Jackson also stay as Alice and Jasper.

Alice Cullen Jasper Hale

Now on to the controversey! I'm just gonna throw it out there.

Here's Kate Beckinsdale and Jay Kenneth Johnson as:
Esme Carlisle

See? He's even a Doctor already!

My Rosalie would be Rachel McAdams and my Emmett would be Greg Vaughn

Rosalie: Smokin' Hot Emmett: Dimpled Teddy Bear

Rosalie: Horny Bitch Emmett: Horny Puts up with Bitch

Last but not least... Drum roll please!

Bella & Edward
Danielle Panabaker Henry Cavill

Now that you've had a little swim in my imagination,
would you be willing to share your's with me?
Even if you wouldn't change one single person.
Pretty please?
With whipped cream on top?
And a cherry?
And some chocolate drizzle?
Yeah, the chocolate works EVERY time! :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Major Brain Fart

Ok, well, ummmm, ya see... I got a tooth pulled on Monday and it seems that a tad bit of my brain might have been in that tooth. (Or maybe it's just the Hydrocodone? Yeah, probably. But still) I can't remember much of anything right now. I can't remember what awesome posts I had planned. I can't remember where I put my list of ideas of said awesome posts. I can't remember if I really got out of bed this morning or if I'm still dreaming. :P Either way, I'll just keep on rambling :) hehe

I do, however, remember having a majorly weird dream last night under the influence of a few "sleepy" pills. It was something along of the lines of *deep breath & speed talking* being at a VA Hospital/Airport waiting for Jonathan, my little brother (yes I said little! You can do something about it when you get here in December! Till then, Little Brother...) and a doomsday kinda Lord of the Rings style, end of the world but still beautiful earth, about to start the fight to the end after we finally got to the place where the rest of the "world" has made up a hidden camp. *deep inhale/exhale* The dream also involved my cousins. So yeah, weird!

Currently the only new thing I can seem to think of, while trying to eat Cream of Wheat and oatmeal like a 5 month old is, "Don't make as big of a mess as Jude! Don't make as big of a mess as Jude! You are 29 yrs old, damn it!" *wipes mouth thoroughly after every bite while Momma laughs at me* Yup, my Momma is laughing at me! I mean I thought they were supposed to be all understanding and the ones to never laugh in your face? She did that another time. Promised not to laugh at my 7th Grade year book pic, but she LAUGHED and LAUGHED! That shit scarred me for life! *sobbing uncontrollably* *gaining control 30 min later* Anyway...

OH! OH! I remember that the post was gonna be something about Mr Jasper Hale, ok I lied more about Jackson Rathbone... *drool* (sorry there goes the numbs it meds, yeah right). Now I do NOT remember if there was something of substance that i really had planned, so until I do remember (or care), I will give you a little eye candy and you can see why I think he is the most lick-a-licious of the Twilight actors! OH? I haven't said he's my fav before now? Well, um, all you Robsessed fans need to quit reading for now and come back later. And put away your pitchforks! I do not go chasing after you w/ mine when you bad mouth my Jacksper. Without further ado:

Ok, so until I get the video up, here's some pics to enjoy :)

I could help him bite that lip.

Love that smile :)

Yummy sexiness...

Uhhhhhhhh........ *thud*

There's that crooked grin *panties ran away*
Let them run! Who needs 'em anyway? ;)